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WHY BAD DAUGHTER?

Sometime in my early adulthood I overheard my mother saying she had one good daughter and one bad daughter. And it's true: I was the rebellious one who had to find her own way in the world and absolutely would not take the path that adults said "should" be taken. So it may seem strange that the bad daughter is writing a blog about caring for her elderly parents, one with dementia.

But being the "bad" daughter has its advantages. Doing what you choose to do instead of what you "should" is its own kind of superpower. You can't blame anyone else for your life choices; you're fully accountable. You can tune out society completely and create your own world, controlling what you can and letting go of all the rest. And no one expects you to follow the rules. That includes how you manage your aging parents. 

The pandemic has been particularly brutal on the elderly as care facilities all over the country become Covid-19 hot spots. Yet trying to put them in a bubble isn't good for their mental health either. And forget trying to explain quarantine, masks, social distancing, no shaking hands, to a person with dementia. 

Pandemic aside, my father's dementia takes a toll on my mother. After nearly 60 years together, she's losing her life partner in real-time. Loving someone with dementia results in millions of little heartbreaks. Added up, they can drown you in grief. Your person is gone, and their physical presence is a constant reminder of what you've lost. It hurts.


A challenging situation in the best of times, the pandemic adds even more uncertainty when figuring out how best to support them. ​But for someone who doesn't like "shoulds," it's also an opportunity to do things a little differently.

This blog will be dedicated to exploring solutions for elderly care during some rough times. 

Thanks for reading.